I can't help but wonder

It’s obvious to so many people that something’s wrong. Something needs to change. We need to return to something, and we may not even be able to put our finger on it. Church has become something very different from what we have dreamed it can be.

I am a dreamer. I’ve always been the kind of guy who had big plans, big vision for things. I always thought my team would win the championship… this year’s the year. I always thought I’d be a professional football player or an Olympic wrestler. My life was all about dreams that never came true. Now, my vision has changed. I think it’s changed for the better and for good reasons but I can’t help but wonder sometimes. Did the vision change or did I just trade it for something easier? Did I really pick up a new dream or did I just drop the others? Now, I believe that God changed the dream. I believe that my vision for the future (as abstract as it is right now) is a good one, the right one. But I can’t help but wonder…

I have big dreams for the Church. I’ve had a taste; I’ve seen in small doses a glimpse of her potential. I know in the depths of my bones that something amazing can happen. Right now in America the best argument against God is the Church. How can we testify about a God of sacrifice and love when we are living such individualistic, comfortable, superficial lives. I dream of day that the best argument for God will be the Church. My dream is that the sort of raw, dangerous, and beautiful Church that can change the world and truly be a miniature Kingdom of Heaven reflecting the Image of God will actually be something we don’t just talk about but enter into. Not just once or twice a week but every day. My dream is big, maybe too big.

It’s the kind of dream that seems too difficult to actually realize. This dream would be a simple vision to trade for something easier somewhere down the road. It would be easy to simply settle for something less. But what can I do, what can we do, to see this through? I dread that one day I’ll become older and more rational and see that this dream was just the musing of a young idealistic mind. It has to be more that just a dream. Because it’s in my head I have to believe that it can actually happen. This is greater than any aspiration I’ve had in the past. It’s bigger than any dream I had about playing professional football or wrestling in another country for a medal. This is more real. I can’t afford to drop it.

It seems that there are others with a similar vision. There are others who want what I want. So if there are others why is it still a dream? Why do people keep it to themselves? Why can’t we actually try this out together? No, instead we live our separate lives, dream our “separate” dreams and just accept what’s handed to us.

I don’t want to ever get to that point where I’m reflecting on this vision and wondering if I should have kept it and pursued it.


Stephanie said…
Your dream is wonderful...keep pursuing it! I know you've been through a lot these past few months and things have been frustrating and confusing, but remember God is steadfast. Hold on to what He puts on your heart, like this dream. I believe God gives us these kinds of dreams to help us know our individual purpose here on Earth and it's each of our dreams, when put together, that help fulfill the great commission. Keep dreaming......
Unknown said…

It has been a while since I last visited your blog. I have been fairly focused on some family issues and haven't had much time for either reading or writing blogs.

But my visit to yours today reminds me of your passion for the church and your talent for expressing what is in your heart.

I trust all is well with you.